What to Do With My Wealth?

It’s really wonderful to find a literary character that resonates in my spirit, especially when this character grows deeper and deeper throughout the series of books. Mine is Maisie Dobbs. Maisie has a love of learning that carried her from being a little char girl in the early 1900s to becoming a self-employed “investigator-psychologist” after WW1 and on. It isn’t enough to solve crimes; she feels she must help each person involved come to a kind of reckoning with the truth. This always includes Maisie, herself. And this also includes me. Every time I reread those books, I am struck with something I must learn about myself.

In the volume, Elegy For Eddie, two close friends observed something about her: she struggles with newly acquired wealth. She refuses to forget her poor-side-of-London roots; in fact, she cannot. They are part of who she was and forged who she has become. She also now has the means to change the quality of life for those about whom she cares most deeply. She had risen from the ashes of the fireplace with the aid of a kind of fairy god-father, a mentor who had seen something very special in Maisie’s thirst for knowledge and remarkable mind. He made it happen for her; she would now do the same for others. But is this what they want?

So, when does the good that I think I am doing for someone amount to a kind of arrogance on my part – that I think I know better than they themselves what is good for them? What do I do with my “wealth of knowledge”?

A psychiatrist with whom Maisie had worked just after the war tells her: “In helping them you’re affecting their lives, making decisions on their behalf that they might not have made for themselves or might have come to at a different time… you’ve been trying to make the lives of others conform to your view of the world.”

I have to admit that I do this, not with money but with advice. If I have the power to fix the life of someone I love, then shouldn’t I — whether or not they want fixing? Admittedly, this bit of self-knowledge took me by surprise. It isn’t that I didn’t know I did this; I did.  But the surprise is that this self-labeled benevolence is opposed to being Poor in Spirit. Sometimes, my supposed assistance  has much more to do with my attempt to judge and control the opinions, decisions, and lives of others…. For their own good, of course, and I assume that it is “I” who gets to determine what is good.

And so, as this year comes to a close, I have to ask myself some uncomfortable questions:

• Do I feel the need to “enlighten” others to “the truth” – both in person or on social media?
• Do I pray that their lives turn out the way I feel they should?
• Do I forget that the God who guides me in somewhat unlikely directions might just be guiding another in a way that doesn’t make sense to me?
• Do I decide what is appropriate behavior for others based on my own inner culture? (This can be for an individual or for a people group.)
• Do I try to give “meaningful” gifts, more for the praise in having gotten in right, than for the joy that it brings the recipient?
• Am I condescending in my smiles to strangers thinking that they might feel honored by my acknowledgment of them? (Tough, but it’s something I’ve noticed.). In other words, is the smile more for them or to accommodate my own sense of superiority?
• Have I deprived someone of their dignity by taking from them a task so I could do it the “right” way? I always hated when my dad did this to me.
• Do I hold myself up as a standard, “That’s not how “I” would do it,” as if it’s a fact that my way is best and their way isn’t?

If I treasure my own understanding, value my own truth, my own way, and my own will too much…. How will I ever learn to be poor in my spirit? Jesus later says in his mountain-top sermon that where our treasure is, there will our heart be also. Do I treasure myself so much that it gets in the way of treasuring the real people around me? Treasuring them for who they are and not for whom I expect them to be?

The good news is that Maisie, while bristling under the scrutinizing critique of her friends, allowed their thorny observations to rummage around inside her, and they cleaned house. She was suddenly more aware of her actions not being entirely altruistic. She could see how her Lady Bountiful approach was making others “beholden” to her…. And that this might be a source of tension. She could see that it was better to wait for people to ask her for help, rather than diving in uninvited with the help she assumed they needed.  And if Maisie could change, maybe I can, too.

And guess what, Mary — everyday God is going to make sure that new opportunities for learning this will come your way!

• So when I hear music that doesn’t fit my comfort level, can I at least appreciate the passion the singer has – especially when it’s for God? I’m sure He does.
• When others don’t load the dishwasher the same way I would, can’t I just be pleased that they are also loading the dishwasher? (I’m making progress on this!)
• When I see a social media meme or opinion that rubs me the wrong way, can’t I just pass it by without responding, recognizing that this person might be experiencing life in a way that is different to mine? After all,  do I really have to change that person’s mind to match mine? Real discussion of issues is just that, a discussion and not a War Room.
• Can I remember that God first wants me to learn my lessons before I can even begin to share my “wealth of knowledge” with others? To paraphrase, “Teacher, teach thyself.”

Arrogance can sometimes look sophisticated and attractive… but it’s still arrogance. Dear God, can I get pulled out of the quagmire of Self long enough to just behold You and Your ways without having to dissect them? As if even You must come under my scrutiny?

What might it mean to be Poor in Spirit?

• Desiring to be more like God’s character rather than forcing Him into a mold that looks like me
• Yielding to the Spirit’s patient work in others, even as it differs from that in myself
• Walking through life with palms up and open and not down and closed
• Keeping my eyes open to how God really is present in the world around me. I might be surprised.
• Asking first – with a real desire to get their take on it – before telling someone (or God for that matter) my opinion
• Yes, seeking the welfare of others… but making sure I respect their dignity in the process
• Not bristling so much when those close to me make observations of me that discomfort. Instead, being eager to learn from them.
• Following what I have learned

What do I do with my “wealth of knowledge”? Being poor in my spirit is, yes, being humble. But that word contains so much more than I bargained for. It is valuing the opinion of others every bit as much as I value my own. It is valuing the life of others, every bit as much as I value my own. This includes even those who seem to oppose everything that I stand for.  It is valuing God’s way so much more than I value my own (and not lying to myself that if I think it, certainly He must as well.) It is helping to create, within God’s kingdom, a village of dignity and respect for all.

“Blessed are the Poor in Spirit. The Kingdom of heaven really is theirs.”  Happy New Year!